If you're anything like me, you're an m&m. Not that I favor the m&m over all other candies, although I do enjoy them from time to time..especially the mini ones!! Anything mini is cute. But think about the makeup of an m&m. Hard outer shell. Melty, chocolate center. I am an m&m. But I'm a fake. So basically I'm the chocolate candy on top of the Cosmic Brownie.
I've had this hard outer shell for a while. I haven't seen a lot but I've only been in my own shoes, and my feet have walked me in and out of hurts, disappointments, abandonment, betrayal... Maybe you have been there too. And I'm bitter. So I put up this wall of intimidation. You can see it on my face (if you know me at all, you know the face..) and you can hear it in my voice. My husband always says "Sarcasm is a tool of the enemy." And he couldn't be more right. It's a defense mechanism for me and I've seen it do nothing but drive people out of my life and hate me.
There's also the soft, chocolate center. The thing about chocolate is...it melts. It's not like the strong candy shell. I'm sensitive. I can dish it out, oooooh can I dish it out..but I can't take it. At the first sign of backlash, I crumble. Then I get insecure. That hard shell I've used as a defense can hide what's really going on inside. If you left a bag of m&ms in a car in Texas for five minutes and opened it up, the candy shell might still be intact but the inside would be totally melted. Sometimes we're fooled into thinking that just because the outside is kept together, the inside is too. I think "If I look strong, people won't know I'm broken and hurting. If I put up this wall, the people who hurt me can't get through it."
I am a fake. What I look like outside is not a direct reflection of what is going on inside. I'm melted. I'm hurting. I'm broken. I can't keep it together. I am weak. But I am invited to sit at the King's table. He sends out His invite to all.
Luke 14:21-23
...Then the master of the house became angry and said to his servant, 'Go out quickly to the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in the poor and crippled and blind and lame.' And the servant said, 'Sir, what you commanded has been done, and still there is room.' And the master said to the servant, 'Go out to the highways and hedges and compel people to come in, that my house may be filled.'
Thankfully, Jesus does not deny those who are unable to help themselves. His band of bros consisted of cheaters, betrayers, disappointments and runaways. All the people I thought I should be keeping out, Jesus freely welcomes in. Pretty crazy right? Even crazier: I'm the worst of them all. I've been hurtful, I've betrayed, ran away, disappointed and rejected so many. He does not deny me.
If you're a fake, if you're hurting others or have been hurt, running or abandoned, feeling forgotten, low, unworthy and devalued..you're invited. It's okay to not be okay..but it's not okay to lie about it. Come sit at the table of the Lord.
If you're really honest, you know that along with the rest of us, you are crippled. He will carry you and He will sustain you.
x o x o
